Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings. There are many kinds of love, but most people seek its expression in a romantic relationship with a compatible partner.
Many people come into a relation for some reason or the other. All relationships that are formed doesn't end up in marriage for 95% of the time. Failed relationships happen for many reasons, and the failure of a relationship is often a source of great psychological anguish. Most people have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make relationships endure and flourish.
Some important points that you should consider are as:
1. Protect the Asset
By asset, I mean YOU.
In several relationships, I would begin prioritizing my partner so heavily that I would stop taking care of myself. I wouldn’t exercise frequently, I would drink more, I would stay up late with my partner instead of getting good sleep.
As a result, I began to feel chronically fatigued and exhausted. I lost my zest and my drive and my partners noticed this… Leading to the relationship ending. Look guys (and gals), if you really care about your partner, then be selfish and take care of yourself first. You won’t be able to be the man or woman they need if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Eat well, get plenty of sleep, go to the gym, prioritize alone time and realize that all of these activities will make you a better partner… Not a selfish partner.
2. Be the Man!
No, I don’t mean that you need to get a neck tattoo, do bare knuckle boxing in your spare time, and be a gruff, silent, stoic. I simply mean that, if you are the man or masculine figure in the relationship, you need to lead. Be decisive. Plan a date night without telling your partner and then tell them, “Hey, we’re going on an adventure tonight! You’re going to love it”. This is far sexier than, “What do you want to do? I don’t know? What do you want to do?”
Be decisive. Take action. Lead the relationship. And, in most cases (although certainly not all) your partner will love you for it.
3. Stand Your Ground
I screwed up several otherwise great relationships because I was too weak to hold my ground.Typically, there was a conflict of values or beliefs between me and my partner and I mistakenly thought that compromising on what I cared about most would make them love me. It didn’t. They simply lost respect for me and moved on.
You don’t need to be an ass hole here. But in any relationship, you must hold your ground. Stand up for what you believe in. Don’t waver in your beliefs and values. And NEVER make a massive life decision that will affect your dreams and ambitions simply to make your partner happy.
4. Understand the Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Compromise
You WILL have to compromise in relationships. Period. Unless you find a woman who loves playing Call of Duty with you, drinking beer with the boys, and watching re-runs of the Rocky trilogy every Friday night, you’re going to have to do things you don’t want to do. This is healthy.
What’s not healthy is when you compromise yourself, your values, and your beliefs. If you decide to change major aspects of yourself and what you believe just to make your partner happy they will lose respect for you and you’ll subconsciously lose respect for yourself. I can’t tell you how many times unhealthy compromise ended otherwise great relationships.
Learn the difference and you’ll save yourself years of heartache.
5. Love Yourself
You can’t love someone else until you love yourself.
If you don’t have high levels of self-esteem, a solid bedrock of confidence, and cultivate self-love on a daily basis, your relationship is doomed. Simply put, without self-love, there can be no love for others. You’ll constantly be using others to gain validation and approval instead of giving yourself validation and approval and then inviting others on the journey with you. You’ll enter into relationships to get something instead of to give something.Love yourself like your life depends on it. Because it does.
6. Realize that Love is Blind
Even though I made plenty of mistakes in my relationships, one of the bigger mistakes I made was failing to realize that love is blind. I got into and stayed in many many relationships that simply weren’t a good match. Our values conflicted, our personalities clashed, but hey… The sex was great and we had fun together so I thought I “loved” the people I was with. It’s important to realize that although love is important, it’s not enough. Not by a long shot. Love is merely the first step, but you need genuine compatibility and respect to make a relationship last.
7. Respect is Everything
If you don’t respect your partner or if they don’t respect you, end the relationship now. Period. Without respect you have nothing. If you don’t genuinely respect and admire your partner for who they are, what they provide, and how they act, then you don’t have the requisite foundation for a lasting relationship.
8. Just Because a Relationship Ends Doesn’t Mean You Failed
It’s funny to me how people point at the increased divorce rate as if it’s a bad thing. Sure, more than 50% of marriages end. But is that really a bad thing? Is it a bad thing to realize that you and your partner are on different paths and need to go your own separate ways? Is really a “Failure” if you can’t make every relationship last till death do you part?
Of course not! Just because a relationship has ended doesn’t mean you failed. Use it as an opportunity to learn and grow and improve for the next time.
9. Be Unwilling to Tolerate things You Find Unacceptable
In any relationship, you must have a very clear list of the things you will and will not tolerate from your partner.
These are your own personal guidelines.
For example, I will not tolerate a partner who:
- Is addicted to dangerous substances
- Lies, cheats, or steals from me
- Treats other people with contempt and apathy
- Gossips, treats other people like crap, and spreads rumors about her “friends”
And the list goes on.
I can’t tell you how many times I tolerated ALL of the above things in one of my partners simply because I was too scared to be single. You need to know what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship and have the guts to actually enforce that. People are free to do whatever they want. You don’t need to judge others for their choices. But you should be willing to set your standards high enough that you’re willing to walk away if their decisions conflict with your “Will not tolerate list”
10. Understand How Biology Impacts Relationships
Until recently, I never realized just how profoundly biology impacts relationships.If I eat the wrong things, have a bad night of sleep, get injured at the gym, or skip my morning meditation, I am MUCH more likely to get annoyed with my partner and take things out on them that aren’t their fault.By simply gaining an awareness of how biology impacts your relationship you can have greater control of it.
Today, if I have a crappy night of sleep and drink a little too much with friends, I’ll simply tell my girlfriend, “Look, I’m going to be grumpy for the next 6 hours. It’s not your fault, I’m just tired and hungover… but if I act annoyed or get snappy, I’m sorry… I just don’t feel right”.
I can’t tell you how many times this has helped me avoid getting into a fight or arguing over something silly.Understand how your biology impacts your mood and behaviors and you’ll be way ahead of the curve.
There are many things that you'll keep on learning while you are in a relationship. People do mistakes and it's okay but don't keep repeating them. Don't quit, just give time, try to fix things, tell your partner what is going on, what needs to be changed. Don't seek another partner and expect him to be perfect and get into relationship just to fill the gap and avoid the pain.
Be brave! Fix things! Don't Quit!